Thursday, April 27, 2006

Global Warming: Startling New...uh...Paragraph!


It's always tickling to browse the internet in search of the raw hyperbole that makes up the headlines of the global warming movement. Here's an example I found on the ENN (Environmental News Network) website where a member of the National Academy of Sciences calls on critics of global warming to apologize to his children for the grief they've caused them:
Their [his children's] world is going to be hotter than our world, unbearably so in some places. The weather is going to be more violent and less predictable. Precipitation patterns will be different, leading to increased flooding in some areas and droughts in others. Snowpack in the mountains is going to shrink and glaciers are going to disappear. It will be harder to grow enough food or provide enough fresh water for all. Entire ecosystems will be threatened; with humans, animals, and plants struggling to adjust. Indeed, global climate change is already here and it looks worse than we anticipated.
So let's take this step by step, shall we?
"Their [his children's] world is going to be hotter than our world, unbearably so in some places."
It already is. Has this guy ever been out of his air conditioned lab? Perhaps the best thing the average environmentalist could do is go outside sometime!
"The weather is going to be more violent and less predictable. "
...And watch the nightly forecast!
"Precipitation patterns will be different..."
It'll come down in rings and argyles tomorrow. OK? And...
"leading to increased flooding in some areas and droughts in others."
So, more of the same. Hm.
"Snowpack in the mountains is going to shrink and glaciers are going to disappear."
Last remnants of Noah's flood gone. Got it.
"It will be harder to grow enough food..."
Genesis 3:19 "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." Sure, I agree with that.
"...or provide enough fresh water for all."
What's it cost to send a guy on that Russian space flight? Cuz' I saw pictures once and there was alot of blue!
"Entire ecosystems will be threatened;"
And that's what kills things: threats. And you can't make threats post 9/11. It's stalking, or even eco-terrorism. No wait, that's PETA and ELF.
"with humans, animals, and plants struggling to adjust."
Moved to Utah. Man! Don't I know!! Butchyano, ya' gotta' evolve.
"Indeed, global climate change is already here and it looks worse than we anticipated."
Well, that wasn't so bad, now was it? Let's see, should I go skiing in the mountains tonight, or biking in the hot West Desert?

5 comments:

carlo m. said...

Humankind is only a virus after all--reprograming and exhausting the previously uninfected for its own benefit, seeking new hosts in order to replicate with wreckless abandon. Hmm . . . with that definition I seem to think less of humankind and more of the university intellectual.

Consider it this way: warming temperatures plus aging population equals happy old folks. Think Arizona Grande.

Congrats, Mr. Hodge! Clear Evidence is the very first blog on which I have ever posted a comment. Well, really I chose to begin with yours because there are so many posts and so many that say "0 comments." Hmph! Take that Sharper Irony!

Throwback 13 said...

* Is that the Statue of Liberty out there skiing?

Jason Hodge said...

Actually it's the cover of an eviro-radical movie that came out perporting to show that we are mere inches from tipping the scales of nature and causing worldwide flooding, continent-sized storms, etc...
Thankfully they don't specialize in the kinds of scare tactics that President Bush is using to convince Americans to go to war against Iran!
After all, wouldn't you rather drown than be vaporized by nukes!! That's way gooder!
Ironically in other frank conversations, these same liberal scientists contend that the flood of Noah couldn't have happenned because there isn't enough water on earth to cover the earth!

Anonymous said...

"...or provide enough fresh water for all."

What's it cost to send a guy on that Russian space flight? Cuz' I saw pictures once and there was alot of blue!


Yes, lots and lots of OCEAN water. You nimrod. Take a boat out to see with no water and see how long you last drinking sea water.

Jason Hodge said...

What??? You mean you can't drink sea water? Well, now all those pirate movies make sense now!! How could I have missed that all these years?